Wednesday, July 28, 2010

They're Here!!!!!!!!!!

This....

Became this....

And we all are in love!!!!!!!!!


More to come!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Hospitalized

Despite how well I've been feeling and how well the babies seem to be doing the OB specialist is a little concerned about the S/D ratio of the umbilical cord of baby boy C. From my research the S/D ratio is a measurement of the "umbilical cord artery that compares the systolic with the diastolic flow and identifies the amount of resistance in the placental vasculature." The systolic is the measurement when the heart contracts and the diastolic is when the heart is relaxed. On Tuesday his measurement was above 4 while his siblings were approximately 2.5. Further research shows that if they have higher S/D ratios then they are more likely to have low birth weights as the nutrients cannot get through as easy. Yesterday measurements for A and B continued to be approximately 2.5 while baby Boy C raised to over 5. There is not stopage of blood flow or a reversal of the S/D ratio, which to us indicates a good reason to have the c-section. If the S/D ratio is high but biophysical US are normal then the baby is doing good. So far that has been the case. The final recommendation at Tuesday's appointment was a c-section. Shawn and I both realize that this was a suggestion based on the doctors cautious attitude and wanting to prevent any problems. We discussed our preference to wait it out and do daily monitoring. Unfortunately living 2+ hours from the hospital it was decided that I should be admitted to the hospital. Not such a horrible thing. I brought my computer to be online and to finish more pages digitally for our scrapbook and Evie's. I brought 3 books I am currently reading (yes, I am reading 3 books all at once!). I brought a Shape magazine...got to start motivating healthy habits once I can no longer claim that I'm pregnant with triplets! I have twizzlers to snack on-YUM! I am free to walk and wander. They have cable and showers. Ok, it's been a little boring but wouldn't you expect it to be especially when you usually spend all day with an almost 3 year old??? Who even when I am resting or working has to be right there coloring or loving on me?? I MISS IT!!!! That has been my biggest hurdle: missing Evie. I haven't been able to talk about her, think about her, or talk to her with out a least crying a little. The worst came last night when she said "I want mommy!" while we were talking. She is so funny though as she keeps wanting to know why my pillow is gone. She is coming to visit today though (WOO-HOO!!!!!!!) and told daddy immediately this morning that she wanted to bring her pillow. So funny!! Hopefully the next 7 days goes fast for her and me!

My belly has been itching like crazy and to me that is a good sign. It means that my skin has to stretch to make room for the growing babies. I am HAPPY to itch!! Shawn has been saying that my belly looks bigger in the last few days as well. Also the babies, especially C, continue to amaze me that they are flipping around even this late in the game! On Tuesday baby C was head on my left, yesterday his head was on my right and TODAY he was head left only because his butt is now down my left side. I don't know where he is planning on going but he's going to try and get there. I don't know if he's trying to make his S/D ratio better as I've been telling to do and that's why he moves so much...if that's the case move, baby, move!

Well, that's all the news from room 422. I'll keep you up-to-date as I can AND include pictures when someone is here to take them!

Friday, July 9, 2010

33 weeks



How far along? 33 weeks
I'm feeling: the worst I've felt since the first trimester nausea! My restless leg syndrome seems worse. I'm going to try a TENS unit tonight to see if it helps. Also in the last day or so heartburn has hit an all time high. According to the TUMS package I'm only allowed 10 a day. I'm on 2 already but night is when it seems to worsen and rear its ugly head. With Evie I ended up on medication after asking my practitioner if it was harmful to take more then the recommended dosage. So it's not surprising that I'm having trouble with it now with triplets.
My babies: are trying to make their daddy and I basket cases!! On Tuesday we met with our Maternal Fetal Specialists. Expecting them to tell us nothing new other then "they are all superb" we were a little surprised when the US tech took several more measurments of Baby Boy C's umbilical heartbeat. Shawn and I were discussing it, still thinking nothing was wrong when the US tech asked to get a few more measurements. As it turns out our Baby Boy (who had flipped head right in less then a week) was showing a little tension in his umbilical cord. This little tension is sort of a big thing since it could mean interference in his supply of blood, oxygen and nutrients. Thereby, decreasing his growth and well-being. HELLO, can you say SHOCK! So this is when they decided to give me steroids to help mature their lungs, just in case. Next we met with the neonatologist who described what this might look like if they have to be delivered due to the umbilical tension. It was not a horrible meeting but we were still expecting a 36 week delivery where most likely they could come home with us. We were given a NICU tour and shown babies which were the size of these 3 currently. If they had to be delivered at this point we would be looking at a 4-5 week stay and hopefully mild breathing difficulties. Due to all of this we were scheduled for another US two days later. In the meantime, I took some time to talk to my little boy and tell him he needs to fix the problem and get off his cord. He took me at my word and flipped back to head left. Measurements of all of their cords showed perfectly healthy tension levels. After the scare however, I am more restricted in my activities. I am to limit shopping to 30 minute trips, lots of resting and no lifting. We also are now scheduled for twice weekly US monitoring of the babies. After "the scare" I am perfectly amenable to their suggestion. Fun fact: I am now kicking baby carrying butt!! My friend and cousin both had 11 lb and 11 lb 1 oz babies, respectively. I now hold approximately 11 lbs 5 oz of baby. Baby Girl as of Tuesday weighed 3 lbs 15 oz, Baby Boy B weighed 4 lbs 2 oz and Baby Boy C weighed 3 lbs 6 oz. With placenta, amniotic fluid and other items I wonder what the actual total of weight on my front is-it feels like 90.


My sister recommended taking a front view or a view with something as a reference so you could experience the giant proportions that are now my belly. Does this help?? Can you see how big it is?? Granted, our dog Toby is 4.5 lbs so maybe he wasn't the best object to use.

Movement: It really depends on the day. Wednesday and Thursday things were a little quiet. At least on my awareness level. On the US they were ALL just a moving and a shaking. They passed their tests again, which includes two movement points. Today it seems like none of them have taken a nap. Just go, go, go. I LOVE it and Shawn has enjoyed it as well. It is SO different then what we experienced with Evie. In general, Evie's movements were mostly full body. You could witness large movements of body. However, with these guys you can see full legs and arms and knees.
Labor Signs: Stress seems to have brought out the braxton-hicks in me. With Evelyn I didn't have any contractions. On Tuesday I started to have a ton. So much so that they were occurring every 5-6 minutes. Nothing painful, but worrisome non-the-less. I ended up calling the doctor after hours who told me to go home and lay down. It ended up helping and decreased them to one every hour. I continue to get them throughout the day but not as frequently.
Books I'm Reading: "Eat, Pray, Love." Not into the spiritual aspects of it but I like to read the books before the movies come out. I am loving going to the library. I have a book on the way for my book club called "Chosen: The Lost Diaries of Esther." I am so excited to read this. Also, I was on facebook and one of my "friends" was asking about recommendations for a Christian book that would challenge her and possibly change her life. The book that was most recommended was called "Crazy Love." I borrowed it from the library and I can't wait to dive in!
Fun baby things I've received/bought: When changing Evie she just loved to have her musical pull toy going. I put hers away in her keepsake box with her first shoes and hand prints. My mom/sisters got me these for the triplets. I love them! This diaper bag was a gift from a friend who had it made for me by another friend. I wanted something feminine to carry around ALL the baby stuff I'm going to have. Isn't it adorable? The black item is a wipes/diaper holder. Now when a baby needs to be changed all I have to do is pull this out and it will have all the things I need. It's also cute! I just got it from Etsy, along with a crayon/activity book holder to stash in my bag to keep Evie occupied. These are the outfits that we are planning to take them home in. I would show you the personalized piggy banks we got for them but that would be giving away names, now wouldn't it!
Great highlights from the week:
Our stroller is here and put together! It's huge but should work out great! Evie even enjoyed sitting in it. July 4th was a lot of fun! We took Evie to a parade (not her first but the first she actually enjoyed and participated in). She and daddy had a BLAST picking up all the candy.
She loved waving at all the people in the parade and being outside in general. Then we headed to our friends Dave and Suszi's home for a fun picnic. The food was delicious!! Especially the homemade guacamole (to die for) and the trifle dessert. Wish I could eat them daily!!!! We played a new game, which I can't remember the name of but enjoyed immensely. Then came evening and Suszi gave the kids glo necklaces and bracelets. That was what created the pandemonium! They turned out the lights in the kitchen and the kids ran around and around. We headed home at dark and watched fireworks from the car. Shawn then did a "special" show for Evie when we got home. She requested "MORE" but unfortunately it was late and we were out. It was a great day!
What's Next:
Due to the unexpected possibility that the triplets may have had to be delivered this week, it has really gotten me in the nesting/preparing phase. Packing my suitcase is #1 on my priority list. I have been spending a lot of time online buying a hand print kit for our baby girl. I found our sound machine at a Target in the cities, which we stopped and bought. It was also on clearance! Can't beat a deal! Waiting on the arrival of my book and a Belle doll that we bought for Evie to receive when she comes to the hospital. I did manage to get to the store and get some new pajamas, and other "feminine" items so that I feel like we are almost "ready." #2 on my to do list is packing the diaper bag and packing for the babies. It has really helped having my mother-in-law, Lyn here to help out. She got Evie's room dusted. Monday I will try, with the help of my friend Rachel, to get the fridge cleaned out. We should be getting the 3rd and final crib Sunday. Shawn has a few things on his to-do list too: crib up, shelf hung, new hooks in the babies room, mow the lawn, and clean the bathroom. Unfortunately, my restrictions and size make it impossible to do a lot of things I'd like as far as getting ready. I am grateful however, that my restrictions still allow me to enjoy a baseball game tomorrow along with a few other outings.

Friday, July 2, 2010

32 weeks


Okay, admit it--I'm big right? Can you finally see it?? Everyone continues to tell me I'm small but I've been told since 25 weeks that it will be "anytime now." Somehow my clothes are hiding the bigness of my middle since viewing it myself is eye opening. It's definitely bigger then Evie's, as evident by the ton of new stretch marks around my belly and along the sides. However, God's miracle is that my back has felt better this pregnancy AND I sleep better. CRAZY!
How far along
? 32 weeks ONLY 4 more (possibly) to go
I'm feeling: Same as last week. Hot and itchy. I've had several US's where the sonographer has me laying on my back but when I lay flat on my bed the belly feels SO heavy! There must be a little bit of a tilt to the table making up the difference. Sleeping on my back, which I did up until delivery with Evie, is IMPOSSIBLE!
Stretch marks?: More and more everyday!
My babies: passed their "exams" again this week. They took no measurements for size but all rated 8/8 on the biophysical US and had good accelerations on the non-stress test. Unfortunately the NST, which should only take 20 minutes, took 1 hour because 1. they used only 1 machine which can only monitor 2 babies at a time and 2. the babies are so close together that it took 20 minutes just to get 2 separate heartbeat patterns.

Pardon the slight blurriness of these pictures. I took a picture of it myself so you could enjoy them. This picture shows Baby boy C (on top) looking at you. You can actually see the lens of the eye. He is usually VERY easy to get a head/profile/face picture of.

This picture is similar to one we saw several weeks ago at our specialist appointment. Our baby girl is on the left (her face cannot be seen as she is look down towards my spine (also the bottom of the picture) and her brother boy B (in the middle) is right next to her. Neat huh?

Movement: Both boys (possibly our girl) are pushing out in the belly. It's like they think they can escape through that method. I told Baby Boy C (on top) that he couldn't get out that way, but he doesn't appear to be listening. There has been a lot of kicking/punching in the last week, which I appreciate. Also they are ALL head right now. Baby boy C apparently still has enough freedom to flip completely around.
Swelling: In my hands. I even broke down and removed my wedding ring. I have not taken it off (except for inspections, cleanings and a few resizing/repairs) since Shawn put it on my finger...so this says A LOT. It wasn't that I was worried about the c-section but I was afraid that my hands may swell to the point that it started to cut into my finger and I figured I aught to take it off now before it had to be cut off. There is no noticeable feet swelling, though it really is hard for me to see my feet much anymore.
Questions for who have had c-sections: What did you pack for the hospital?? Any recommendations for after surgery??
Labor Signs: I think (operative word being "think") that I may have had 1 or 2 the NST showed no contractions.
What we've been up to: The visit with my friends Sara and Mike ALMOST didn't happen. There have been some terrible storms here the last 3 weeks and we were under tornado warnings several evenings. The night before their visit we not only spent some time with our friends Kyle, Rachel and Abi in their basement but we also lost power for over 12 hours. It's a REALLY good thing that it was a cool night otherwise I might have gone crazy. Evie was scared (which is an nice word for it-more like petrified) to go to sleep in the dark without her sound machine, which has a little light on it too. She couldn't understand, of course, why the lights were "boke." At approximately 1 a.m. she woke up and I'm sure was terrified by the quiet and tried to get out of bed. I'm sure it didn't help that it took us longer to hear her crying so I was 2/3 of the way to her room when there were 2 thumps and then a scream. You can imagine that this was her falling out of bed. A first. Scary as that was she wouldn't go back to bed in her room so her and I spent the night in my room and Shawn was delegated to her twin. Luckily, the lights came back on the next morning, which appeared as a miracle to Evie. Anyhow, the visit with Sara and Mike went GREAT and we had a lovely time! The picnic with my multiples group went great. I was able to talk to a couple of mother's who had quads, which was really great. Evie really enjoyed the park and the games they had for kids. Other then this there were a few things I crossed off of my "do before the babies come" list. One was that our crib had a recall on it because of the drop down side. I called for the "repair" kit, which basically immobilizes the drop side. We went shopping today and I got all of my nursing bras and a few after birth shirts (ie ones that hopefully will hide my jiggly, still big belly). I also ordered the handprint/footprint kit for our baby girl, which they were no longer carrying at Target. Oddly enough, the one thing I'm proudest of accomplishing was finishing the first page of a billion for the triplets scrapbooks. This was for Baby Boy B but his brother and sister will also have one similar made for them (on different paper). It is a copy of one I did for Evie and if you don't recognize what it is or the purpose: when I was growing up my mother (the first scrapbooker in the family) took pieces of the wrapping paper from our birthday and Christmas paper and used it to make things like Christmas trees and for our birthdays our age for our scrapbooks. I have followed in my mother's tradition and LOVE the results. It is neat for me to see the wrapping paper used in the 1970's/1980's and I hope that the kids will enjoy it too. The paper on this page is from the baby shower's that were thrown for the triplets and the design is a baby rattle.

Coming up: We will be having another specialty appointment on Tuesday and will have an US and then tour the NICU and talk to one of the neonatologists who may be working on the triplets. There will be two in the OR during the c-section. We will be able to ask all of our questions, find out what we should expect and also talk about what we DON'T want to happen. This will also be the day we schedule our c-section. Next I need to figure out what and when to pack for the hospital. I'm hoping that they will have a check list or something for expecting mothers but more likely I will be doing a lot of posting on triplet forums and doing website searches. I've had one birth obviously but the two could not be more different! So I have no idea what to expect outside of what I've seen on t.v. And if that is not "real life" I don't know what is. We FINALLY received our stroller. I am so excited to see it put together and Shawn will be working on it this weekend. It smells really bad, like rubber tires, so it will have to be put outside to air for a while before I will allow it in the van. That kind of chemical smell could give me a migraine. The house is way too small to store it in here.

Finally, here is our sunshine mimicking something she has seen me do a thousand times. Can you guess??
Yep, she's putting lotion on her "baby" belly just like mommy! This is the next page I will be working on for her scrapbook. Can she BE more adorable?? She has started to "get it" this week too after seeing Baby Boy C moving, that there really are babies in mommy's belly. She has been watching the belly more and even talked to them. It makes my heart melt!! One part of triplets arrival that I'm especially EXCITED about...watching Evie become a big sister!

Friday, June 25, 2010

31 weeks


Me and my 4 "babies"

Note: this was written on Friday but due to several busy days and tornado warnings at night I was unable to post this until now.

How far along? 31 weeks
I'm feeling: lots of itching!!! It's been crazy the last week. Today was not so bad. I'm not sure if that means a huge growth spurt last week or what. All I know is that if I need to itch so they can grow...bring on the belly lotion and hydro-cortisone cream!! Napping is done every day and I'm trying to take it easy...even when my mind says "get to work!"
My highlights from the week: Honestly I don't remember the week! Looking back at my calender we did go to Minneopa Park with Lyn and Verlynn and it is beautiful there. A VERY nice park with water falls that would be a delight to hike and explore...if I wasn't 31 weeks pregnant with triplets. BUT we will be back over and over again!! We had been to the campground several years ago and it was also nice. I immediately called my parents who have a new motor home and told them that I expect them to be out there camping next summer so we can also go camping! I also was able to go to a book club on Monday night. This is something I've wanted to do for YEARS, I am so excited and we had a great night. We read the book "Fireproof." Not the greatest book ever written but our next book "Chosen" by Ginger Garrett looks like it will be great.
My baby's are: according to the US yesterday Baby Girl A is 3 lbs (which is a 1lb gain from 2 weeks ago-AWESOME!), Baby Boy B is 3lbs 1oz and Baby Boy C is 3lbs 2ozs. We had a biophysical US which measures the following: the baby's heart rates, muscle tone, movement, breathing, and the amount of amniotic fluid around the babies. There must be 8 specific things they look for because they were all rated 8/8. It was neat to see their practice breathing movements. Baby Boy C had hiccups too, so cute. When they are doing the breathing movements and getting hiccups it is a good sign that their lungs are maturing!! It also means that their central nervous system is mature.
Labor Signs: nothing yet. At least that I'm aware of. I had a non stress test yesterday as well where they hook me up to a fetal heart monitor and a contraction monitor. For 40 minutes I was monitored and there were 0 contractions. Apparently, as my OB pointed out I am doing "awesome physically." Woot, woot for me!! The heart rate monitoring also went awesome. Shawn asked the nurse(s) if they had monitored triplets before and it was a big N-O. Be-Cause no one had ever made it that far in the pregnancy that were still under their care. CRAZY!! Look out people...here comes a walking miracle!! Seriously though we rejoice and praise God that I've made it this far, still feeling great without bed rest.
Belly Button in or out? Belly button? What belly button?? I don't think I've had one for 10 weeks now. Luckily my belly button was never deep so it more or less flattened out, none of that gross popping out.
Current projects: Still cleaning house. It's a slow going project when you are resting so much. Top of my list this week is dusting Evie's room, dusting our bedroom and organizing my scrapbook stuff...besides showering before noon. As far as "stuff" to do, my friends Sara and Mike will be visiting tomorrow (Saturday) and I am so excited. Sara is 4 weeks behind me in her pregnancy and I can't wait to chat. Shawn and Mike are going golfing, his first time in many, many months. I have another OB appointment on Wednesday with the same tests. They have switched to weekly appointments with regular monitoring now. I have joined a multiples group in MK and they are having a picnic Sunday. This should be fun, though I am a bit of a shy person so big gatherings are hard for me. I have a few odds and ends to get like nursing bras, pajamas, sound machine, and hand print kit but I do not feel the need to rush. I'm wondering when I should start packing a bag for the hospital since we continue to do well. I am going to have Shawn install the car seats at 32 weeks just in case but also feel no rush where that is concerned. It is amazing where we are at right now in this pregnancy. I really thought I'd be on bed rest, possibly hospitalized with contractions and problems. So far...nada. It has left me a little disoriented. I don't even have limitations other then 30 lbs, which technically is still a lot. I will have a 10 lb lifting limit after the c-section, imagine that!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Please don't forget...

...this sweet little girl!

Yes, we are having triplets. Yes, there will be new babies in the house. Yes, this is a first for both families. Yes, this is amazing, awesome and ___________ (fill in with whatever adjective you find apporopriate.)

But...she is awesome. She is amazing. She will be a BIG SISTER! She will be turning 3. She will be starting preschool. She is silly. She loves Dora, reading books (especially Berenstein Bears), and going on a "walk." She is potty trained, she goes to bed easily, she wakes up with a smile (most of the time), her best friend is Abi, and she loves to be outside. She still plays a lot with her babies, she enjoys carrying around a backpack, she is ALWAYS on the move, she only likes apple juice with water, she loves her toes painted, insists on getting "dessed" herself, is stubborn and independent. She gives me approximately a million kisses a day, insists on "man-naids" for every owie, asks "why?" all the time, and is still the sunshine of our lives. She wakes me up in the morning yelling "mommy" or "daddy" but doesn't climb out of bed. She isn't sure about all this baby stuff going on, it's like we've brought in stuff she can't play with, on or in. She is an awesome helper. She is going to be a great sister!

In the excitement of the upcoming arrival of the triplets, one of our greatest worries as parents is that Evelyn will be overshadowed by everything that is baby. And that in the coming years she won't feel "special" because she isn't a triplet. It breaks our hearts that she would EVER consider herself less special or less anything. Please keep that in mind in your visits, questions, excitement and help. She needs the special attention too, if not more!

Friday, June 18, 2010

30 weeks


How far along? 30 weeks give or take
I'm feeling: HOT, dang HOT! I have restless leg syndrome every night, which means taking OTC Tylenol PM just to get to sleep but sleep is worth it. My pubic bone is really sore, as it was with Evie. Most of the time I only notice it when I am turning over in bed, but now I can feel it when I first start walking in the morning or when I get up to pee at night. The last few nights my belly has really itched and I had to use extra lotion. There are red streaks everywhere! I am glad to sacrifice my "perfect" belly for their growth. I'm hoping to see OVER 4 lb babies at the next US.
My highlights from the week: Getting to see the babies again on US. Visiting IA and having a 3rd baby shower. Shopping for baby stuff...I love shopping in general. I'm not sure if it was in the last week but I found out from my good friend A that she is expecting again!! I am so happy for her and her husband! CONGRATULATIONS!!
My babies: According to the US on Friday: Baby Girl A is 2 lbs, Baby Boy B is 2lbs 12oz, and Baby Boy C is 2 lbs 7 oz. There is an error of +/- 3.5 oz. They all were moving good and although it is not easy to get as many measurements at this point all looked good. Both A and B are head to my right and obviously Baby C is head left. I keep thinking that Baby C is pushing up with his butt on my belly, since it appears/feels so round, but he actually is facing up so it is most likely his feet and he is stretching his limbs. Baby A and Baby B are facing each other, the US tech said they are already sharing secrets. We got a good picture of this.
Triplets vs. Singleton: I know that everyone is curious how this pregnancy differs from Evie's. I believe that God has prepared me to carry triplets my whole life! 1. He gave me wide hips. I think this is the reason I still look "small" to most people. The babies lie across instead of up and down and my wideness gives them more room to do so. I always wanted to be slim like some of my girl friends but God knew better. 2. I gained 50-60 lbs before Evie's pregnancy. With her and the extra weight I was bigger/heavier then I am now. If it weren't for carrying all that extra weight I might have experienced this pregnancy differently now that I've put on 50 lbs. Luckily I lost the 50-60 lbs before this pregnancy or who knows how it could've gone! Otherwise, the nausea at the beginning of the pregnancy was 3x as bad, which isn't too bad considering. With Evie I had nausea from approximately 6-8 a.m. and with these guys it was nausea all day long. The stretch marks have been worse. Energy is about the same, from what I remember. Pain wise it's the same. Things are obviously arriving a little sooner in the pregnancy then with Evelyn. Overall, it hasn't been worse or better. About the same...see how God was preparing me!!
Current projects:
I finished putting all of the IA gifts away and all of the stuff I bought that are "necessary" to finish the babies rooms and be prepared for their arrival. There are a few things we need to get yet, which I will most likely purchase next week. The breastfeeding pillow arrived and it is MUCH bigger then I expected. I could feed toddlers on it...not that that will happen. Obviously it makes for a good play area.
The stroller is NOT here yet, despite the seller saying it would arrive by yesterday. Finally received a call from them telling me it was back ordered and should be sent out next week...we'll see. We received a crib AND mattress at the IA shower and that is Shawn's (with his dad's help) big project this weekend. I am so excited!!!! Next week we have an OB apt with a biophysical US (check fluid levels and baby movements) as well as a non-stress test. I am also going to be contacting the specialty clinics patient relations department in regards to some information we received at our Friday appointment. The head doctor stated that we would not be able to take ANY photos or videos of the birth of our triplets. I am NOT happy with this answer and will make sure that we are allowed to take them. The appointment at the U of M did not end very well for me in this department and I was not happy with the answers we received. I had a dream that the kiddos were born and moved to a new room without my knowledge or consent, when I tried to find them everyone was very vague. That about sums up how I felt about the questions I asked. The answers were sometimes so vague I didn't know if they'd even given an answer. I am not one to leave decisions about my body, my health and my babies for the doctors to decide at their whim! Watch out U, you have a very pregnant and hormonal woman coming after you!!
What I will miss about pregnancy: The shelf that is now my belly. It has become very convenient to hold plates, pens, and other items. The movements of the babies. Despite getting to feel it everyday it is something that I LOVE and will miss greatly, especially if this is my last pregnancy