Sunday, November 16, 2008


We all feel very torn. On one hand we want to hold on to Candii for longer...on the other we want her to find peace. It feels a bit like a waiting game. We never know when our last goodbye will be or when it will be the last "I love you."

Shawn and I feel that we have said our last words to Candii. We headed back home today to keep the office open until we get word of her passing. It was very hard to leave. Knowing it was our last moments with her, that it was the last time we would be able to stroke her hair or hold her warm hand. It honestly is a little easier being home. As I said last night, in Iowa everything is imprinted with Candii's spirit and reminds you constantly that a giant loss is about to occur. Here there isn't so much of that. On the other hand, every phone call sends my heart racing and the tears welling into my eyes. Will this be it?

Her breathing became more shallow and frequent early this afternoon. Somewhat more labored tonight. It was much like when someone panics. It became so distressing that I went to talk to a nurse and they gave her morphine to slow it down some. Her temperature continues to be high and they are giving her Tylenol to bring it down some. Shawn and I both felt that she was further from us today as if she is drifting away.

Evelyn sat up by her head and stroked her hair. She was able to rest her head on Candii's and have a special moment. I had to leave the room because of the emotions this causes. Them together is so precious and heartbreaking. I said goodbye with Evie but when I went to put Evie down she got upset. She wanted more time with her Auntie Candii. It seems as if she also senses that we are losing something so precious.

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